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lying in bed and not participating in life

It’s taboo to admit that you’re lonely. You can make jokes about it, of course. You can tell people that you spend most of your time with Netflix or that you haven’t left the house today and you might not even go outside tomorrow. Ha ha, funny. But rarely do you ever tell people about the true depths of your loneliness, about how you feel more and more alienated from your friends each passing day and you’re not sure how to fix it. It seems like everyone is just better at living than you are.

A part of you knew this was going to happen. Growing up, you just had this feeling that you wouldn’t transition well to adult life, that you’d fall right through the cracks. And look at you now. La di da, it’s happening.

Your mother, your father, your grandparents: they all look at you like you’re some prized jewel and they tell you over and over again just how lucky you are to be young and have your whole life ahead of you. “Getting old ain’t for sissies,” your father tells you wearily.

You wish they’d stop saying these things to you because all it does is fill you with guilt and panic. All it does is remind you of how much you’re not taking advantage of your youth.

You want to kiss all kinds of different people, you want to wake up in a stranger’s bed maybe once or twice just to see if it feels good to feel nothing, you want to have a group of friends that feels like a tribe, a bonafide family. You want to go from one place to the next constantly and have your weekends feel like one long epic day. You want to dance to stupid music in your stupid room and have a nice job that doesn’t get in the way of living your life too much. You want to be less scared, less anxious, and more willing. Because if you’re closed off now, you can only imagine what you’ll be like later.

Every day you vow to change some aspect of your life and every day you fail. At this point, you’re starting to question your own power as a human being. As of right now, your fears have you beat. They’re the ones that are holding your twenties hostage.

Stop thinking that everyone is having more sex than you, that everyone has more friends than you, that everyone out is having more fun than you. Not because it’s not true (it might be!) but because that kind of thinking leaves you frozen. You’ve already spent enough time feeling like you’re stuck, like you’re watching your life fall through you like a fast dissolve and you’re unable to hold on to anything.

I don’t know if you ever get better. I don’t know if a person can just wake up one day and decide to be an active participant in their life. I’d like to think so. I’d like to think that people get better each and every day but that’s not really true. People get worse and it’s their stories that end up getting forgotten because we can’t stand an unhappy ending. The sick have to get better. Our normalcy depends upon it.

You have to value yourself. You have to want great things for your life. This sort of shit doesn’t happen overnight but it can and will happen if you want it.

Do you want it bad enough? Does the fear of being filled with regret in your thirties trump your fear of living today?

We shall see.

840px:

life hack: always like someone’s selfie. it takes a lot of courage to post a picture of yourself. always be kind. reply nice things.

burgerkid:

when your friend starts telling an embarrassing story about you

image

zaynshair2k14:

bringingthetruthback:

tinalikesbutts:

So when boys want to wear tank tops, it’s okay, but when I want to do it, it’s indecent and my shoulders are going to give every boy in a 20-mile radius a boner?

if your underage and its a professional environment, wear professional clothing. women have sexual organs on their top half, men don’t, don’t you know biology??

breasts aren’t sexual organs and neither are shoulders do everyone a favor staple your hands to your ass

jpgay:

*turns into a tree to avoid responsibilities*

thesugarhole:

if we are talking in person and i accidentally spit dont even call out i saw it and im dead inside

moist-but-ready:

eatpussylivehappy:

bebereaves:

sh4ne:

euro-trotter:

neofriend:

edwad:

this is so fucked up

For the love of god

I’ve smoked only about 4 ciggs in my life and this already makin me wanna stop

It looks like someone is blowing air into a rotting plum

Erin….

this
this needs to be seen by everyone

Scary thing is it only takes about a year for the effect seen on the left to start, and once it starts it doesn’t go back! Never smoke guys.

fragilegifts:

Sometimes recovery is waking up early to write in coffee shops and practicing yoga and eating lots of fruit and chocolate and sometimes it’s staying in bed all day and hiding from the world until you can stop crying. All of this is okay. What’s important is that you take care of yourself no matter what kind of day you’re having.